It’s My Goal
I Want Them To Know Me
They live far away. I can’t see them every day.
Still I want them to know me.
In between visits, we chat on the phone but I can’t see how much they’ve grown.
I want them to know me.
So visits are as frequent as they can be and when we’re together I can actually see…
They really do know me!
And So I Travel Back And Forth
When I leave home, my mind is preoccupied with all the things I’ve left undone. My home needs my attention. My other grand-babies count on me. There’s always a little melancholy as I pack to leave. Still, I pack that bag and hit the airport early so there is no chance I will miss that flight. And when I arrive, my home takes a back seat to this home, these babies. And sure enough, they’ve grown. But they know me!
We pick up right where we left off. My grandson…oh goodness, there will always be a special bond between us. He knows just how to melt my heart. This time, it was by moving a chair close to me and saying, “I want to sit by you, Grandma, because I love you.” On the first night, though, he struggles with his routine. “Can Grandma read your bedtime story?” “No, I want mommy to…but I still love you Grandma.” By the end of this visit, he invites me to that special time of the day. “You can come lay with us, Grandma.” I have earned a place again.
Now, my granddaughter, she’s a little tougher. She and I did not grow up together. Her connection to her mommy is deeper. I have to work to gain her trust, every single time, but last night she let me rock her to sleep. I worked my way into her heart one more time.
I’m trying to capture golden moments. I’m trying to be part of their life, feel their days – the good and the bad parts. It won’t be long and they’ll be too busy for their grandma. Friendships and activities will consume their time and I will be relegated to periodic visits for school concerts or athletic events. I know this.
And so, on each trip, we try to plan something that is memorable. This time, it turned out to be as simple as setting up a wading pool and sprinkler. They’d not done either yet. So, guess what? We did it! Mommy bought a new garden hose and pulled out a blow up pool that had been waiting since last summer. Together, we made that moment happen and it was so completely joyful. They jumped and splashed in the extraordinary May heat; laughing, screaming, and shouting out to the birds in the trees. It was the moment I will remember from this trip.
Then, I try to take part in their events. I want to feel their days. This trip, it was a short little kids yoga class at their preschool, library story time, and a T-ball game. Then, mix in the play time activities. This time, it was all about tiny legos. Last time, it was the Super Ultimate Garage! My grandson dominates the play choices still. His sister adores him so she gladly follows along.
And Before I Know It…
Another trip comes to an end and my eyes fill with tears…again. It never gets easier. It’s always the same. We talk about when the next time will be, how short a time there is to wait, but two months is a long time for all of us. We just pretend that the time will go fast.
No Matter What
Until they are too busy, until I am no longer able to travel, I will make these trips. I will continue to live from one memory to the next. My days as a Grandma are still the best days of my life. I’ll take the melancholy and the tears over and over again because in between them there is so much laughter and love.